Writer’s Notebook: Mixing the Lines

I took a childhood memory and mixed up the lines. I wrote a straight paragraph first without thinking, freewriting:

“Sunlight streamed through windows of the barn as I climbed up to the platform to join the others. The ladder with splintering wood was tricky but I made it with my bear. You could take the fur off that bear. Underneath, he was blue. Blue cotton. Darren said, “can I have him?” Then he wrote on the bear with felt tip. A scribble that wouldn’t come off no matter how hard we scrubbed later, at home. The straw on that platform smelled like sunshine but that day it was like a thunderstorm broke in my heart.”

I split the lines and numbered them 1, 2, 3. And I put the ones together, twos together and threes together, and got this:

sunlight streamed to join
the other children with my bear
he said, can I see? can I have it?
he’ll give him back soon and
drew all over his blue body
smelled like sunshine
the windows, dusty
the ladder with splintering wood
you could take the fur off that bear
I handed over special bear thinking
I waited and while I waited
scribbles and scars, indelible
but that day it was like
as I climbed up to the platform
was tricky but I made it
underneath he was blue cotton
it will be just a moment
he picked up a felt pen and in
the straw on that platform
a thunderstorm broke in my heart

I liked the connections made by mixing up the lines. It needs work, but maybe one day, it could become a poem.


Writer’s Notebook – a series of posts releasing unfinished fragments into the world. Recognising the value in sharing.

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